Dis not fare! Dis not nyse!

We wuz jus pawtectin ar howse! Mom tuk us to de owt las nite lyke she alwayz do. Dare wuz sumtin owt dare- we cud sniffs it reel gud, sos we wint tu chek it owt, cuz we's sposed ta pawtect ar owt frum all udder animules butt us, rite? We snifted dis guy beefor, an tolded him to stay far away, butt he dint lissen, do he? So's we had to tel him agin- pffft. Anyhoo- we chaysed him and yapped on him an almos runned rite ober him beefor he got us bote wit his sekrit wepon! Peeeeeeeeeyew! an Owwwwwwww, ar ize an nosys hurt bad!!! We wint runrunrunnin back tu mom, an she wint back in da howse! We try to rub da stuff off on da bushys an da grassys, butt it dint wurk- we still had dat bad smell on us. We tryed to get in da dore, but mom maid us be in da owt, in da cold, in da snow, for a long tyme! Wen she fynully comd owt, she grabbed me and runned in da howse wit me not eben holdin me closelike- way owt aways frum her- not nyse! Den she put me in da baffy, and poord stuff on me an maid me ware it fur a long tyme befur she washt it off and put niser smellin stuff on me. She wuznt bary nyse at al. I got a gud towl rub, I lyke dat, an den she wint an got Byrdie frum da owt ware she had ben jus yelpyelpyelpin fur mom da hole tyme I wuz in da baffy. I tink she did da same ting to Byrdie, cuz she smelt da same wen she comd owt, an she wuz all wet tu. It wuz beddytyme den, an she maid us go to sleepy wit wet furs! We hates wet furs. Dis mornin it all dryed doe, an now she says we gotta be brush,brush,brushed! Dis not fare! We wuz jus doin ar job- pawtectin da howse! Is did eny way tu treet us gud doggies?

Dis guy is tuff! Eberydoggy don bodder him!